On Wed, Aug 28, = 2024 at 10:00 AM, alan

<Alan@thedmlabs.com> wrote:

Hi Paula,<= br>
Thank you for sharing the trailer script and feature film scenes for= Finding Out. I=E2=80=99ve reviewed the material and can definitely = see the powerful emotional journey you're aiming to capture with Grace=E2= =80=99s story.

The trailer script does a great job of highlighting G= race=E2=80=99s resilience, love, and determination. It's engaging and paint= s a vivid picture of her experience. One suggestion I have is to perhaps ad= d a bit more specificity in the language to enhance the emotional impact. F= or example, instead of "An unfortunate fall from a horse," you might descri= be the moment with more sensory detail=E2=80=94something like "One fateful = moment on horseback changes everything,"=E2=80=94to really draw the audienc= e in.

As for the feature film script, the historical depth you've wo= ven into Grace's background is fascinating. I particularly enjoyed the inte= rplay between Grace and her sisters, which adds layers of warmth and confli= ct. One suggestion would be to focus on keeping the dialogue concise while = still capturing the essence of the characters. There are also a few places = where it may be helpful to clarify transitions, especially between time per= iods, to maintain the flow for the audience.

Overall, the heart of G= race's story is deeply compelling, and with a bit of refinement, I believe = it will resonate even more strongly.

Looking forward to hearing your= thoughts!

Best,

Alan Holmes

Sr. Project Manager

Thedmlabs

Ph: 609-855-5272

 

As a = beginner writer at 72, I recognize my limitations. I'm hoping there is= potential in what I wrote and transforming it into a convincing story that= will get the attention and enthusiasm of producers and financiers to bring= a beautiful experience to many.

<= div id=3D"yiv3536415264">I have many throw backs to the past throughout the= story that will need smoother transitions. 

I also have an element of mysticism when ancestor Indian spirits visi= t Grace (and Paula) at key moments. 

In the content to follow,

=

<= br> there will be plenty places to refine and embellish my draft work. Afte= r all, this is my first film script and it may be my only shot at getting i= t right and in front of viewers.

<= div id=3D"yiv3536415264">I need to know how much to budget for script writi= ng services.

Paula