It was June 22 of 2018. Travis, my late husband, was an av= id river rafter. He was bound and heart set on getting on the river that da= y. I made up every excuse known to man. I told him I was too drunk to shutt= le (even though, I wasn't). Shuttle means he pulled the boat, and I fol= lowed and left the shuttle rig at the pick up location. We were only on the= river for 20 minutes until the boat flipped. I gulped water instead of inh= aling it. I swam to a very small island, and I cannot swim. To the left of = me, I saw Travis holding Christopher above his head, attempting to save him= . Christopher was only 4 years old. Travis' head was gushing with blood= leaving a stream of blood in the water. I lost sight of them. So I tried t= o tread the water to rescue them, but something pulled me back and said no,= you have ryan and emma. So I held onto a branch, and looked at my surround= ings... survival instincts went into high gear. I kept thinking Travis and = Christopher were fine, because Travis was a very good swimmer. It was about= 2 hours later, after I stopped screaming their names, then I started yelli= ng for help. Finally, some lady came to the bank of the river and because t= he rapids were so loud, we couldn't hear eachother. So I made up sign l= anguage. She understood me. An ambulance drove up the hill near the river, = then rapidly drove back down and took off. Then life fight came. I was stil= l on the river, utterly confused. All of the emergency vehicles left, then = unbeknowst=C2=A0to me, search and rescue, sheriff, and ambulance were await= ing at the boat ramp. Search and rescue soared through the water to retriev= e me. I was going through hypothermia and shock by then, so I was weak. A l= ady comes out of the boat and tries to throw me a rope. I told her I can= 9;t. Then she said, do you want to live or die??!! I said I want to live! T= hen she said, Grab the fucking rope (verbatim)! So I did. I used all of my = strength to tread through the rapids. I got into the boat. I asked them whe= re they were, They told me the Sheriff is waiting for you at the boat ramp.= Then my mind went into slow motion and i slowly looked down and saw their = life jackets cut up. We pull up to the ramp, my adrenaline kicks in and I s= torm up a 90 degree ramp. I was nose to nose with the sheriff. I was pissed= . I yelled WHERE ARE THEY?!?! The Sheriff grabbed my shoulders and said BEC= KIE, THEYRE=C2=A0GONE!!! Then I said to the Sheriff, FUCK YOU! He replied w= ith "You can curse me, hit me, do you have anyone you can contact/call= ?" I said no!! Because my phone went down river with the boat along wi= th Travis' phone, his pistol and wallet. So they tried two numbers I ha= d memorized, my dad and my sister. my dad never answered. then they tried m= y sister, no answer. I said keep calling her because she screens her calls.= she finally answered and started heading my direction, which was 2 hours a= way. they put me in an ambulance to take me to the ER. Travis was DOA, Howe= ver they gave me hope telling me Christopher was life flighted to the same = hospital I was going to and hes still alive. IT was the longest 30min trans= port of my life. I show up, drenched from the river. they put scrubs on me = that were too big, so I had to hold them while I walked. They put me in a h= olding room. my sister, aunt, and my sisters girlfriend show up. by then, i= m numb, no emotional feeling. The doctor comes in, and said they couldnt=C2= =A0save Christopher. Then they admitted me into the cardiac unit because my= heart was going a million miles an hour. They hooked me up to EKGs and did= blood draws. I was fine. But even though I swallowed so much water, I was = so thirsty! So I had my Aunt keep giving me water and Id have to pee every = 3 minutes with an IV tower. The CEO, coworkers, all of travis' family w= as there. He was the oldest son, his youngest brother was there, saw me and= shook his head and walked out. I felt so much guilt. I still do. I got dis= charged. I couldnt=C2=A0go back to the house. My dad shows up with Ryan and= Emma and we all stayed in a hotel for a couple nights. I got out of the sh= ower with a towel on my head, and my father was sitting on mya bed. HE NEVE= R CRIES! When I approached him, he started bawling. I looked at him still i= n shock and numb emotionless, "Im a widow now. Now what???" Then = he grabbed me and cried on my shoulder. I felt dead inside. Sorry for my po= or grammar. Its a hard story for me to tell. if you need more, just let me = know>